Beliefs: The Good, Bad, Sneaky and Sexy
Old Story Boner-Killers & Possibility Upgrades
Quick little note from me before we dive on in…
In the spirit of creating more FLOW and Juiciness in my own life, I’m switching this to a bi-weekly newsletter. I have some serious Summering to do! Basking in the sunshine like the little Sun Whore I am, is where so much of my creative inspiration comes from. It’s where I work things out in my journal, untangle the pieces, and make connections, all while continuing to support and dialogue with this beautiful community of creatives (that’s you - I always have time for you!)
Okay back to your *new* regularly scheduled programming…
“Possibility” is the sexiest word in the English language. Probably in all languages.
Everything feels brighter when viewed through the lens of possibility.
Gimme that infinite-possibilities-sexy-little-dream-fairy-dust!
So why are we sometimes without this magic potion?
Why does possibility feel like it dries up?
The stories we tell ourselves…
Our lack of belief… or self-limiting beliefs.
Choosing comfort and predictability over growth and the unknown
Ugh. Boner Killer.
I work with people on all of this…
I hold the mirror up so they can see the possibilities that I see. I hold the belief on their behalf, until they believe themselves.
And because that’s true, Lauren, shouldn’t you be immune to these crappy lies that hold you back by now!?!
Ahhh hell no.
It’s hard to see ourselves outside of our own glass cages of emotion.
When we grow, we have new levels with new comfort zones, and new limiting beliefs to bust through.
Growth… she’s so FUN!!
When someone shines a light on our self-limiting belief, it might feel like a relief, it might create a crack that lets the light of possibility in, or, we might feel like doubling down and kicking ass — how dare you say this is possible for me!
We can all use some help seeing ourselves, our gifts, and what is actually possible for us, even if we don’t see it just yet.
Creative Nuggs
As Creatives, we’re unfortunately more likely to inherit some of these negative beliefs, or stories about ourselves.
We’re choosing the a-typical path, which can invite a lot of unwanted opinions and advice, and sometimes it can feel hard to find yourself within all the noise.
On our most recent episode of This Juicy Life, I spoke to two of my friends and former coaching clients; Brittany Warner-Smith and Deanna Day, about how they live a juicy life (on the day-to-day) as Creative Entrepreneurs, and what gets in the way.
In the episode, Deanna shares:
I think one of the top ingredients is trusting yourself.
Why that's important is, for me at least, when I've been moving through my business, building it, growing it, there's a lot of moments where I'm doing something new and I freak out about like—
—What if it doesn't work out this way? Am I even good enough to…get there?
And a lot of times when I get to the root of why I think that, it's because there's probably some limiting beliefs from somewhere else, that isn't actually coming from me — like from society, from how I was raised that make me think like, oh, maybe I'm not cut out for this.
And taking a moment to be like—
—Do I actually believe that? Like, do I actually believe I can't do this? That I don't have what it takes?
And I think usually the answer is no, I do think I have what it takes.
But it can be hard to hear that, that voice of trust inside yourself, because of everything you're fed around you.
With Brittany, we talked a lot about the process of owning who you are.
Recognizing the path you’ve chosen is not a-typical, so why on earth would we bother “taking advice that puts you on a path that is typical?”
As Brittany puts it, “it’s bonkers!”
I shared about Brittany’s ownership of her ‘weird’ in a previous newsletter about Play & Revelling in your Weird
In this podcast episode she shares:
I'm never weird on purpose, I'm only myself on purpose and that's weird to people. It's just a matter of authenticity, and authenticity is unfortunately weird.
People having integrity and being honest about who they are, what they want, what they like, how they feel - that's not common.
Most of the times that I've been made to feel weird in a bad way, it was because I was being honest, vulnerable, or happy and the people weren't accustomed to it, or weren't comfortable being that themselves.
So I would much rather be honest, vulnerable and happy than not weird. I'll take weird all day long, that sounds beautiful.
Yes please!
The Untangling
A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast about Coaching. The main premise of the episode was proposing that Coaching is predominately about helping others change their belief vs. helping others take action.
For example, instead of asking what do you need to do to make money, it’s what do you need to believe to make money.
Not going to lie, I had a wee baby existential crisis about this.
I questioned myself; do I help people change their beliefs?
I batted that question around for a few days and decided, yes, of course I do. I have the data.
Phew.
But my biggest source of panic came when I realized that I may not fully believe that Coaching can change my own beliefs.
And that even if it could help me change my beliefs, I wasn’t convinced that that was a way to accomplish my goals.
So what’s a “hypocritical” Coach to do?
SHAME SPIRAL?
Nope. We don’t do that shit anymore!
I got suuuuper curious. I got my shovel and I started excavating.
To be fair, this excavation is ongoing. You might be chipping away at a biggie for a while, or you might bust through some belief pattern and a new one pops up. It’s not a Myth of Sysyphus situation THANKFULLY, because every chisel, every breakthrough unlocks a new level.
I am going to share some of the questions I used in my own excavation process, in the hopes that you can also apply them to something that may be holding you back.
Before I do, I also want to note that I don’t 100% agree with the premise of that podcast episode.
Oftentimes belief is built in the process of taking action, of the doing.
The very important distinction for myself, and how I work with my clients, is that it’s about taking inspired action.
Is the doing coming from your head (which might be subject to limiting beliefs, shoulds, or advice that doesn’t resonate), or is it coming from your heart (which feels fun, scary-exciting, or a calm knowing)?
Let’s take a look at some of these beliefs:
I’m not good enough
It’s hard to make money doing what you love
The market is too saturated
Everyone else has advantages that I don’t have
The only way to make money is to hustle
I have to have a specific niche
I need success before I can feel proud of myself
Other people have to validate what I do, in order for me to believe it’s worthy
The list goes on, but I imagine there is at least one in there that speaks to you.
We see our beliefs as facts.
Much of the time we can’t tell the difference between the two. It feels so true that we believe it is.
Often we are too close to the problem to see it for ourselves. Others can see our glass cages, even if we can’t.
The first step is simply to recognize it.
This is where an outside party—like a Coach, Therapist, Teacher, or good friend who calls our attention to something they can see, but we don’t see—is so helpful.
For me, I experience this ‘recognition’ in two ways.
The pleasant way: Oh, you see this wonderful thing about me that, that I don’t yet believe but can start to entertain? I like that. This is the moment of insight, or a-ha that invites possibility and feels good.
The not-so-pleasant way: Oh, you are pointing out something that feels like an absolute FACT to me, and trying to tell me that it’s not. I want to double-down and fight. I am committed to proving you wrong.
Want to know how to change your life?
Try on a little possibility for size.
Even if you’re like me and you want to start stone-walling the people who care about your growth, if we can entertain a sliver of possibility here, we can start to explore and invite curiosity.
What if it’s not true that… [insert your dickhead belief here]?
What if it’s not true that it’s hard to make money doing what I love?
What would I need to believe is true in order to validate that possibility?
I would need to believe that when you follow your heart, abundance follows. I would need to believe that there are so many people who want what I have to offer. I would need to believe that I can’t possibly know where/how my people/clients will find me. I would need to believe the voice deep inside of me that knows this is true, is the actual truth. I would need to believe that the more I focus on what truly lights me up, the stronger my signal becomes. I would need to believe that the common narratives are incorrect; opportunities only come from hard work, following prescribed paths = making money, or creatives do it for love, but not for money. [We should throw those ones in the garbage]
Summarize the desired belief.
It’s possible do what you love and make money!
[Just for shits and giggles] Try on making this decision.
If I believed that it was possible to do what I love and make money—that if I followed my heart, abundance would follow—then I would relax. I would trust it was all happening even if I couldn’t see the results yet. I would keep taking inspired action and I would be grateful for the abundance that was soon to follow. I would take the pressure off of myself to find “the answers” or to question if I can really be successful. I would do what lights me up.
Breathe that in. Feel the feelings of this decision.
What’s the inspired action that transpires from this exercise?
Get back into my heart. Welcome inspiration. Go do what I love and stop worrying.
I couldn’t see my own glass cage.
I was letting the voices upstairs, question my hearts inner knowing. I didn’t immediately ask myself this question:
What do I stand to gain from believing this dickhead thought?
It feels easier. Easier than the alternative.
I bet you want to fight me on that, but hear me out.
It’s easier to believe in impossibility - easier to believe it’s hard to make money doing what you love, and for my example - easier to believe that coaching can’t change my beliefs and help me achieve my goals.
Why?
Because then you don’t have to try.
You don’t have to show up and continue taking inspired action. You don’t carve your own path. You don’t have to look at the junk that’s holding you back. You can stay safely inside of that glass cage and never have to get too uncomfortable.
Trust me, I know this! It took me 39 years to allow myself to go ALL IN on me. To trust that I could be my own boss, that I could call myself a Coach and withstand whatever perceived shitstorm (what people would think, and what if I failed) could possibly arise from that decision.
You can see that I continue to chip away my beliefs about what it means to be a Coach. I’m still excavating old stories around ‘flakey’ life coaches, even though I’ve been on both sides of having & witnessing transformational experiences.
It’s just a thought that I kept thinking for many years, and it kept me “safe” from taking action.
And my friends, as I share above, it still takes work.
But it’s work that I love. Work that when I excavate it, can serve and expand others.
Which NEW BELIEFS do you want to create space for?
Just as you bought into these self-limiting beliefs, you can also buy-in to expansive beliefs.
I promise you that it’s worth the effort, even if sometimes it leads you to a cute little existential crisis.
It’s where possibility creeps in.
“A belief is just a thought you keep thinking over and over again until it becomes hard-wired in your brain” - Dr Joe Dispenza
Abundance Aggregate
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Paulo Coehlo - The Alchemist.
I had a conversation recently with my friend & former client Annie about her own belief transformation.
By the way, The Alchemist just so happens to be Annie’s favourite book.
When we had originally worked together, she was deeply ‘bothered’ (in a hot and bothered type of way) about the idea of becoming a Muralist. An incessant inspiration had taken up deep roots.
She somewhat believed it was possible for her, but we got to work at changing that.
She said her belief finally started to shift when she started taking action.
She made the decision to go after it. To become an artist who created Murals.
We created a goal around it. She launched the first penny in the wishing well, and the ripples started spreading.
I’ll never forget the message I received from her shortly after…
She was having a meeting with the photographer she had booked for her upcoming wedding. They got to chatting about what Annie does, and boom - she decides to tell her that she’s an artist who creates murals.
Annie said she half-joking pitched the photographer on keeping her in mind, if she had any future clients that might need a mural.
Well… the photographer said she was about to open a Bridal Studio and thought a live mural would be super cool for the launch party, she inquired whether that was something Annie did?
Of course she did! Now.
This isn’t the first magical, synchronistic opportunity that Annie has created — there have been so many. Including a wild story about her announcement of her desire to paint an outdoor Palm Springs Mural, that was then fulfilled because-her-mother-bought-a-Christmas-Tree-Ornament-from-Etsy-that-one-time. You’ll need to reach out to Annie for that story.
Her most recent belief upgrade is simply owning the title of “Muralist” —a dream she once felt too scared to chase.
We both attended Alt Summit this year together - join us next year?
As an aside - can confirm that every day, is in fact, “a Disco Day” at Annie’s.
When you register to buy your ticket, you’re asked to list your profession. Annie had written Muralist not thinking much of it, and then suddenly there we were with our badges, and Annie’s read: Muralist.
She admits that there was still a part of her—that little limiting belief devil on her shoulder—that was questioning her right to call herself a Muralist.
Whether you think you can or think you can’t…
With inspiring Creative Women all around her, she had her a-ha while looking at other people’s badges. She said:
Well, this Woman ahead of me takes pictures and calls herself a photographer, I paint murals and can call myself a muralist - what reason would people have to say that I’m not a Muralist - I am, I’ve done it. It was a Game Changer.
It reminds me of that podcast conversation I had with Deanna. Sometimes we need to have these inner dialogues with our beliefs. If we hear something that doesn’t sound like possibility, we can get curious, and poke some holes in the belief that isn’t serving our dreams.
Since our time together at Alt, I asked Annie how she continues to cultivate that belief in herself and in possibility, when she’s not constantly surrounded by inspiring creative women?
She holds the belief that the Universe is conspiring to help her in ways she can’t see.
She has a practice of waking up every day and expecting to open her email and see a fun mural request in her inbox.
Recently, one of those fun requests came in.
On her form she asks everyone how they heard about her. When this person answered, she realized that she had been referred by someone whose name she wasn’t immediately familiar with! After some sleuthing, she came to learn it was a friend of a friend who had referred this person to her.
She now has a new belief that we may all want to take for a spin:
All around the world people are speaking positively about me in rooms I’m not in.
Want to speak about her Magic directly to her? Get in touch with her on instagram or through her website.
She’s just the sparkly gem you need in your life.
“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you will find your treasure.”
Paulo Coelho - The Alchemist
I would love to hear if these stories resonated with you. Please leave a comment below or send me a message. And if you think someone else you know might also enjoy this, spread the love & creativity!
See you in 2 weeks, until then…Happy Summering & Beyond Expansive Beliefs!
xo
Lauren