When Disappointment Derails Your Momentum
Here's the framework I created for myself this week...
When you are your business, how do you not let disappointment derail you entirely?
How do you get back on track?
How do you just press forward when you’ve suddenly stopped caring?
How do you even know where to start? What do you prioritize?
You’re an adult with real responsibilities so you know you have to pull it back together and get on with it, but how?
I’ve had a series of disappointments lately, things not going to plan… and I’ve felt a little like…
I think sometimes what we call “being stuck” is actually disappointment overload.
It’s what happens when you’ve been trying, hoping, stretching, risking, growing… and then multiple things don’t go the way you imagined.
At a certain point, the brain can stop expanding and starts protecting.
One of my disappointments is my search for a new apartment in Toronto.
I’ll admit, this is one area I felt pretty bullet-proof. Historically I’ve had exceptional luck finding great places with very little effort. So while there were multiple other things not working out as I planned/predicted/hoped, I was feeling pretty cocky in this department.
I bet you can guess how that’s working out for me!
I’ve been dreaming up design layouts for homes that get promised to other people.
Needless to say, I’ve been incredibly distracted.
Suddenly my goals, projects, schedule, structures…have all fallen by the wayside.
Disappointment after disappointment makes it very easy to start filtering for all the bad shit and start missing any of the good stuff (hello cognitive bias!)
So now you feel like crap.
But you can only feel crappy for so long before the conditioning takes over and you start feeling bad for being “unproductive,” and then start frantically searching for a way out.
Maybe you go searching for an answer outside of yourself, someone who promises to have the silver bullet for you (I’m looking for 3 illustrators who want to make over $5k a month…🙈😜)
But hear me out…
We always know the answer, our own “way out”… we just don’t trust that we know.
Creative brains especially tend to crave structure once things start feeling emotionally overwhelming.
Not because we’re suddenly going to become productivity masters (imagine!?), but because structure gives us something to hold onto while our brains are spinning out in twelve directions at once.
I actually think productivity overload is one of the reasons disappointment turns into paralysis!
Sometimes just enough structure can help us re-enter momentum again.
Here I am on Sunday night pep-talking myself about how this week is going to be different… I just need a plan!
I’ve started hundreds of coaching calls with people telling me “they’re stuck” or have “lost momentum”, and I don’t tell them what to do… because I DON’T FREAKIN’ KNOW!
But I do know that they know, because we always know.
So I get to work helping them source the answers from within.
So Sunday night I’m like “Lauren, honey sweetie baby, if you can help others do this, you can help yourself.”
So I took myself through a similar process, as if I was sitting across from me.
Not only did I come up with a framework for myself, I thought it might be useful to share it with you… and that actually got my creatives juices flowing again.
Think of this as a momentum reset.
We just need some intentional action to get the wheels in motion again… our existing infrastructure and innate creative intelligence will take over from there.
Because this isn’t really about productivity.
It’s about getting the rust out of the taps.
It’s about helping your creative brain ignite again.
Quick Side Quest:
This is connected to our latest This Juicy Life episode. Somewhere along the way, we started defining balance as adding more vs. taking things away. When we struggle to do more AND manage our already full plates, we blame ourselves for not “managing our time better.”
Maybe the problem isn’t that we’re failing at balance… maybe we’re just overloaded.
And when the brain gets overloaded, tiny intentional actions can help get the wheels in motion again.
Okay back to the scheduled programming:
Note about this framework:
Sometimes things don’t work out for a reason, and that reason is yet to reveal itself.
This part is really important: it’s not your job to figure out what it means - so don’t go telling yourself it means it’s time for you to quit! That’s the cognitive bias talking.
These actions are for you IF they are helpful to quiet the overwhelm/panic in your mind, and give you a sense of focus. Choose the ones that relate to you.
These actions don’t have to change the world, they’re simply to get you into motion again.
I can promise you that the week after this will look different.
THE PROCESS:
Write down…
One thing that needs to get done this week.
(This could be something you’ve pressed snooze on last week.)
When I think about what needs to get done this week, what’s the first thing that pops to mind?
(hint: this is probably already nagging at you. Take a deep breath, it will usually surface right away.)One thing I want to move forward in my business or creative project this week.
(hint: this is one thing that you could make an impact, or move a goal forward)One thing I can do to make myself visible this week? One thing to let people know I exist this week.
(This might be marketing, this might be leaving your bubble.)One thing I can take a small brave step toward this week?
(What action would future me thank me for taking?)One thing I can do to remind myself I’m in a body this week?
(This is any kind movement, grounding, anything that gets your out of your head for a few minutes - ideally every day, but we’ll take small actions over nothing)One thing I can do to prioritize my own pleasure this week?
(What’s one juicy action you could take that’s just for you and not tied to any result?)One thing I can do to possibility-maxx this week?
(What is going well for you? What is moving in the right direction? What COULD happen?)
Note: Don’t select full “projects” for this list. Our brains tend to overcompensate in order to feel productive again. Select an achievable action that relates to the project, but don’t pressure yourself to fully bake the cake. We’re going for wheels in motion here.
Do you want me to send you this framework that you can fill out?
I’m working on creating a free resource, let me know if you want the beta version.
For me this week, it was also helpful to change up my scenery. I got out of the house a few times to work in a cafe and that changed up my creative inputs.
A jumpstart on the Possibility-Maxxing:
Disappointment, frustration, setbacks, failures, emotional ups and downs… they are all very much part of this entrepreneurial or personal growth journey.
It means you’re ACTUALLY DOING SHIT!
You’re taking risks, expanding what’s possible for you, growing, you’re ALIVE, and a beautiful human with a big juicy heart who is present for this wild ride.
Maybe this particular moment in time isn’t trying to show you that this path isn’t for you… maybe it’s evidence that your life is reorganizing around something bigger than your current imagination can see yet.
What if all the disappointments are creating space and expanding you for more than you even believe is possible?
xo
Lauren